Category: LGBTQ+

Celebrating PRIDE

I could appreciate not having the need for Pride Month. But here’s the reality: Pride came about through the blood and tears, suicides and murders of people like me. Human beings who in some cultures and throughout history were not regarded as “other”, not mistreated and ridiculed, but respected. In some cases we were even revered because we had the ability to see things differently. Maybe being different gave us a leg up on compassion and empathy. I don’t know.
But I know this. I have been on the planet now for seven decades and only for the first few of those years was I blissfully ignorant of the indifference I would be shown – if I “came out.” Once I understood, I hid.

What a horrible way to live this gift of life.
This is a sick symptom of an ignorant society forcing people to hide who they are. Sticking labels on love and dismissing individuality. 
The binary is again being forced upon us. Pride people are not binary people. We will never be binary people and I applaud youth waking up and challenging.

We are as much a part of the Grand Scheme as anyone else. And we will never be erased.

So while I wish there were no need to fly my flag, I’ll do it until my people are free. All my people. The heteros who cling to the status quo and miss out on our beauty; the allies who stand with us; but most importantly for the youth and for those yet to come – that they may be accepted and not need to rally together for the support and love that should have been there from the start.

Love yourself. Whoever you are. Leave no room for hate. 

Don’t Throw Away Giving Thanks

ODE TO ALL THE QUEER AND TRANS FOLKS WHO ARE FIGHTING TO BE SEEN THIS HOLIDAY AND TO ALL OF MY INDIGENOUS FRIENDS WHO REMEMBER HOW TO CELEBRATE.

Forget the hype and all the lies about the first Thanksgiving. If you’re still believing in the good old Pilgrims’ story, it’s doubtful facts will sway you. No, this is not for you. This is for the ones who have forsaken giving thanks, because they refuse to partake in that story. It’s for people who have suffered through enough of these come together holidays and are rewarded with tense family moments. And so, they say, “No thanks.”

This is for the ones who haven’t reconciled the hatred and bigotry disguised as piety; and they haven’t found a way to hide their disgust.

I’m with you. Hypocrisy drove me from that good old religion long ago and I’ve never looked back.

But here is truth. Giving thanks for abundance or even the meager goodness that winds through our lives is an art. Feeling appreciation for the gifts that do come our way: the friendships, the sweet animals that grace our time here, the amazing beauty of this land we call home, the sincere and earnest people who find ways to care. All of it is worthy of our thanks. 

And that giving thanks can replace the hollow emptiness of isolation that haunts so many of us. The news these days are full of mean spirited and jarring inhumanities. Whole swaths of people are targeted and the cruelty is way beyond anything that I remember from childhood meanness.

You can abandon Thanksgiving, but not giving thanks. Give thanks for your heart that refuses to be diminished. Give thanks for the courage to continue to be your true self. Give thanks for those who came before you and endured. Give thanks for your life, because you are not an accident.

You are a jewel on the thread of Life. Never doubt that.

Use the Gift

Here we are in Pride month and as one would expect the rhetoric-vilifying non-heterosexuals is ratcheting up. Even Wisconsin Congressmen Van Orden and Tiffany got their anti-LGBTQ cracks in while addressing Canadian fires. One has to wonder who listens to this insanity and why it is lapped up rather than silenced.

Before I rail on the haters, I wish to thank the friends and allies who are unafraid of those who are different. I want to salute the people who have stopped laughing at course jokes and better yet have asked for voices of hate to stop. I want you to know that your words of support and caring have meant a great deal and I recognize there is a risk that you, too, will be erased by hate.

And what is this hatred? It’s nothing more than acquired bigotry that has been taught to us. We have the choice to reject it or to embrace it. But to encourage us to hold the course of hatred we are instilled with fear. Fear of other is solidified by the fear of hell. The grid of right and wrong is flexible when it comes to “Love thy neighbor”. Flexible because it’s OK to hate thy neighbor, if they’re different. 

We’re spiraling downward, cloaked in religion and supported by the ignorance of laws and lawmakers. The ACLU is tracking 491 anti-LGBTQ bills in the United States. And while not all will pass, the rhetoric incites violence and disrespect. 

Choose, People. What kind of world do you want to live in? More importantly, how do you want to live in your own being? I’ve tried hate. It only made me sick.

While we have the gift of choice, let’s put it to good use. 

Photo of 2019 Rzeszów Pride compliments of Silar – Creative Commons – Attribution Share 4.0 License

Discarding Straitjackets

My wife and I binged watched Heartstopper, a British coming of age romantic comedy. I was touched by the openness of the teens regarding their gender questioning, but startled by the hatred and fear that remains towards those not status quo.

In the fifty years that have passed since my own teen-age questioning things have changed. Youth who refuse the straitjacket of heterosexuality can more easily find support. Gender fluidity and non-binary concepts have replaced the need to take on stereotypical labels. Organizations like PFLAG have helped lessen the sting of abuse. Yet abuse remains

The morality police have made it their business to beg local school boards to prohibit any displays of gender questioning. How absolutely foolish this is on so many levels. 

I understand learning that gender is not binary and that gender fluidity has always existed in the human race must be hard for some who’ve been raised with blinders on. But to insist that your ignorance be law is a bit much. We are crawling out of the hole dug by puritanical thinking, and I’m sorry for your discomfort. But march on we will.

Perhaps your discomfort will be lessened if you learned about different cultures and their acceptance of the reality that gender is a spectrum. It would be kind of you to drop your shock and fear long enough to understand the pain caused by bigotry. 

Bigotry: noun

  1. obstinate or unreasonable attachment to a belief, opinion, or faction; in particular, prejudice against a person or people on the basis of their membership of a particular group.

I can assure you from my own personal experiences, that your momentary discomfort over things that are not your business are nothing compared to the struggle and pain of being gender fluid in this culture. And the statistics on suicide and suicide attempts by gender questioning youth confirm this.

And to youth daring to be: Don’t be robbed by ignorance. Dance on.

Being Queer

Besides the slap, the Oscars gave us the first openly Queer Latino Actor of color to win. This sent many of older generations scrambling to understand how the word Queer got injected into the Oscars. After all isn’t “Queer” a pejorative? A word not mentioned in polite company and only spoken in hushed voices behind peoples’ backs or screamed accusingly to make a point. 

Yes, until the 80’s the association of the word queer was meant to do harm. I remember being called queer and homosexual for the first time when I was barely a teen. When I looked up the word “homosexual”, I learned it was considered a disease. 

It wasn’t until 1973 that homosexuality was delisted as a disease, by that time I was graduating high school and the damage was done. When you’re different you learn very quickly that consequences are dire and unrelenting, especially in small towns in this Puritanical country.

So most young people escaped to the cities, hoping to find some semblance of community, of family, of welcome. There they were often met with police who targeted cross-dressing and drag with violence and arrest. If you’re ready for a bit of Queer history, I recommend reading about the 1969 Stonewall Riots. Often considered a turning point in human liberation, those “queers” demanded dignity and respect.

The 80’s brought a whole new relationship to the word Queer as people of color and transgender people reclaimed the word as a source of strength. Indigenous people shared their understanding of multiple genders, and the nature of Two-Spirit. 

The binary illusion is cracking. Patriarchy and Christianity are forced to self-examine. Times are tough on them.

I say evolution is a good thing. As someone who is comfortable with gender fluidity, I proudly welcome the word Queer. 

Pride Never Ends

I remember my first sting of prejudice. It was innocent enough, a third grade conversation asking my best friend if she liked a certain boy. “Oh no”, she replied, “He’s Catholic and Italian”. Hmm, I’m Catholic and Italian. And so it began, the recognition that you are different. 

That was my introduction to human ignorance, not enough to rattle my self worth but enough to know that good people hold foolish beliefs. 

A few years later that momentary sting of exclusion became a lifetime of caution and hiding as I reckoned with my reality of not being heterosexual. 

I’m a survivor. And its true, what doesn’t kill you does make you stronger, but the current hatred of people who are different is no longer something I care to witness. Not simply for myself, but for the youth and for those yet to come who find themselves in an intolerant world full of prejudice and judgment. 

Not everyone can take the beatings this society handily dishes out and no one should. If your faith doesn’t permit you to be anything other than hetero, so be it. Enjoy your missionary pose, but leave the rest of us alone.

Carl Nassib is the first active NFL player to come out as being Gay. His eloquent statement was powerful and I agree with him, there should be no need for these announcements, but unless and until we are given due respect, Pride Month will never end for people like us.

It is time to out-Christian the Christians – or any other members of faith that hide their hatred behind the name of God. 

Like it or not evolution is afoot, and we will not be silenced and we’re not going away. 

Love Wins

My partner and I shared a ceremony honoring our love and ending with the words, “I do.” The marriage license was officially signed and the legalities of our bond of love are sealed. 

For people who know and love us there is celebration and good will and that is how it should be. But that tricky word “marriage” may cause a few to be ill at ease. 

Priests in Germany are challenging the Vatican decree that same sex couples cannot be blessed. The priests are calling it “Love Wins” and are holding  “blessings” throughout the country. 

So call it what you will, unions, blessings or marriage, this is a precious moment for us. And I can assure you there was no offering made for someone to say, “Speak now or forever hold your peace”. There were no obeys, until death, or any of the contractual agreements normally heard. We did it our way.

What will be is the incredible opportunity to step out of the shadows and be seen as we are, a loving couple who want sweetness, kindness and peace in our lives together and for each other. 

What will happen is that we will not be denied the right to administer to one another in a hospital or in any legal setting. We will be as one.

Beliefs have caused great harm to people who are different. I am not a fan of the word marriage and I don’t like the words gay or lesbian. Today’s youth who are bucking labels have my respect. 

I prefer human being.

And wish to be treated as such. 

We want the same rights as any other couple. 

How hard is that to understand?

For those who struggle in this straightjacket world, never give up. You are seen. You are loved. 

Belonging

The need to belong is a deeply human aspiration. We wear the labels of belonging as badges of acceptance. To be accepted is also high on our scale of needs. The yearning to be welcomed and celebrated as a member of something is a strong human motivator. These were my thoughts as I watched the parade of flags at the recent Pride celebration in La Crosse. The flags are symbols of identity. They are in direct response to cultural disapproval and censorship.

IMG_3919

Never quite comfortable in society’s boxes, I understand the urge to fly a new flag – and especially one that has not yet been pigeon holed into meaninglessness. So I marveled at the youth donning their flags determined to be unique, and challenging the status quo. It is good they are given a safe space to discover. And when the organization called “Free Mom Hugs” showed up in force to celebrate Pride, they added a touch of humanity and healing desperately needed. Too many gay youth are unwelcomed at home and these mothers giving hugs play an important role in reminding them that they are indeed loved for who they are.

Another coalescing of people that has heightened my observation skills are the numerous versions of Christianity. And of course there are the political affiliations that many cling to, which satisfy the need to belong while simultaneously separating us from others. The value and strength of community is undeniable. That can be witnessed at any sports event. I have yet to understand the value of separation.

I have found it far simpler to declare myself a human being and allow for the affiliation of “citizen of the Earth”. It seems to be a direct route to the source of the need to belong. It is certainly a satisfying one.

We remain one People, one Earth. We belong.

 

Tremendous thanks to WDRT for their continued supporting and for airing “Consider This”. You can hear my 2 minute commentaries every Thursday at 5:30 pm CST or listen via the web.

Inserted photo is of a memorial for murdered transgender women.

Gay flag compliments of wikipedia commons.

Transgender Violence

I remember when the Berlin wall came down and someone posed the question, “Whom will they hate next?” I remember squirming a bit as I realized targets of hate are people who are different.

It has been fifty years since the Stonewall Riots, which launched the modern Gay Rights movement. At that time the term “gay” covered it all. Many lesbians, gays and bi-sexuals now enjoy status quo lifestyles. Many attend churches and synagogues that are accepting of “gay” life. Some hold public office and climb the corporate ladder. And then there are those who do not fit so neatly into straight packages.

June is Pride Month and it began in New York’s Stonewall Inn with trans people leading the charge to end police brutality and harassment. And while much has changed since 1969, many are left behind in the push for equal and human rights.

People, who define themselves as transgender, questioning or two spirit, are too often marginalized by race, gender and socio-economic disparity.  It is a systemic issue based in prejudice and ignorance, leaving some at the mercy of human trafficking and survival sex work.

Young, indigenous and black transgender face some of the highest suicide and murder rates in the world. Violence and harassment are epidemic.

Many transgender migrants, who seek asylum, have been punished with solitary confinement and denied health care by our government.

In a dominant culture that fears the “other,” transgender people are persecuted for being different. Indigenous people are often the very first to defend their humanity.

It is time for people of faith to set aside their fear of “sin” and their judgment of right and wrong in order to conquer the greater evil, which is hate. And the LGB community needs to step up the fight for human rights for all of us.

This lack of humanity must end.

 

 

This transgender flag* from Wikimedia Commons: The Transgender Pride flag was designed by Monica Helms, and was first shown at a pride parade in Phoenix, Arizona, USA in 2000.

The flag represents the transgender community and consists of five horizontal stripes, two light blue, two pink, with a white stripe in the center.

Monica describes the meaning of the flag as follows:

“The light blue is the traditional color for baby boys, pink is for girls, and the white in the middle is for those who are transitioning, those who feel they have a neutral gender or no gender, and those who are intersexed. The pattern is such that no matter which way you fly it, it will always be correct. This symbolizes us trying to find correctness in our own lives”.

*Unlike the wider LGBT communities worldwide which have adopted the Rainbow flag, the various transgender individuals, organizations and communities around the world have not coalesced around one single flag design.

 

Rethinking Genocide

Dominant cultures share common threads. They forcibly and systematically destroy cultures and peoples who are different. They do this by killing and torturing, separating children from families, forcing indoctrination on the young, and by the rape and murder of women and girls. They do it with swift first strikes and then gradually through police tactics, court injustice, social crimes and environmental destruction. The governments of these dominant cultures carry on the atrocities for generations. Education and religion are used to maintain the status quo and to create an illusion that “all is as it should be.”

Since WWII we have termed this cultural and human destruction as genocide. In 1948, the Untied Nations created the legal definition of what was then coined the “crime of crimes”.

Ideas take time to take hold. This week dominant culture took a blow with the release of Canada’s National Inquiry into the epidemic of murdered and missing Indigenous women and girls.  Exhaustive studies and final conclusions prepared by professional Indigenous women were presented to the Canadian government.

Within the findings is the declaration that the Canadian government by omission and commission engaged in the genocide of Indigenous people.

As one survivor put it, “You can’t un-hear the truth.”

Here are a few words from the final damning report: “These violations amount to nothing less than the deliberate, often covert campaign of genocide against Indigenous women, girls, and 2SLGBTQQIA [two-spirit, lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, questioning, intersex and asexual] people.”

Humankind must find a way to end the perpetuation of violence on Indigenous peoples.  Dominant cultures everywhere must grapple with the racist and sexist attitudes that are upheld throughout their systems and policies. The United States has developed an institutionalized apathy that needs to be challenged.

Kudos to all who are fighting this inhuman disease however you are called to do so.

 

For more on the report and its findings and to give credit for the photo used visit Eagle Feather News.

On Soundcloud. Thanks to WDRT for airing “Consider This.”